“Common sense is not so common.” – Voltaire
Unfortunately this is true all too often.
Usually I boycott online forums and discussion groups. Lately I have been thinking it would be helpful to get more involved so I’ve gone back to them a bit. Then I am reminded of the things that bother me and made me stay away. They seem to fall in two main categories.
1. Believing the hype, unrealistic expectations, and not doing homework
“Paradise” By now, just seeing that word makes all my red flags go up and I think oh no, they believe what they read and don’t do their own research. “I am going to come live in paradise”. Variations on this come up all the time, followed by – “I just have a few questions” Then the truth soon becomes obvious. The person has never visited, has done minimal research, doesn’t intend to learn the language, and expects… well who knows what they expect. Paradise, I suppose but whatever it is, it isn’t going to be reality.
When you come here to live, you are not on vacation. You are not a tourist. Sure, it’s nice to have this beautiful country and all it offers. But, you also have to manage daily living – the electric bill, car repairs, shopping, why is the water off again today? People hear about the eternal spring of the mountains, the beauty of the beaches, the low cost of living, the vibrant expat community (see below for more on that!) and forget that this is only the frosting. Who cares about the frosting if the cake doesn’t work for you?
I think it takes a certain kind of person to make a successful move. First -someone who knows their needs and wants, does their homework, and approaches it with a big dose of common sense. Second -someone who wants to experience a new country and culture, and has the flexibility and patience to deal with the challenges. If you only want to get away from something and are not drawn to this new experience, it may not go well. (see Joel’s posts here) I can spend time trying to explain reality of living here, but is it really going to make a difference? I’m usually just the bad guy trying to rain on their parade, and they don’t want to hear it.
2. Bad manners, the ugly American
We were at the pharmacy yesterday. There was a man and a woman ahead of us. The woman had an insulin pen and the needle was bent, not working, and she wanted to buy more. The pharmacy didn’t have them. Another customer tried to suggest other pharmacies. They had already driven down from Boquete and she didn’t want to drive around any more. She became more and more angry and finally stormed out. The man turned out to be someone only helping out because she spoke no Spanish, and he was left apologizing for her and thanking the staff for their help. (Don’t ask me why someone on insulin wouldn’t have a decent supply of needles already on hand!) I am so embarrassed when I see other gringos behaving badly like this.
This is nothing compared to the behavior I have often seen online. People tear each other up! I know it happens everywhere online. When you are behind a computer screen instead of talking to someone’s face it is easier to say things you’d never say otherwise. But, that you say such negative things whatever the circumstances, what does that say about you? What it says to me is that these are people I do not want to associate with. I do not want to live where they live, or spend time with them. Unfortunately the few who behave badly color the experience for everyone, including all the good and kind people in the group. I think this negativity online is much more serious because it’s there forever, for the whole world to read. I cringe when I see expats saying derogatory things about Panamanians because I know Panamanians also read these forums and groups, and I can imagine how it makes them feel.
Is it a good idea to spend time online in these groups and forums? Probably not, not for me. Joel tells me more than I want to know and alerts me if there is something I might respond to, some particular information I might be able to offer. In general though, I have other things to do. This blog is under my control and unlike the groups, I can remove mean and negative people.
Joel often repeats a quote he heard – “Do not associate with negative peoples!” He is so right. I don’t need that kind of energy. We have worked long and hard to get our lives and our relationship and our experience of living in such a good place. So, if you rarely see me on line in discussion groups or forums, that’s why. If I don’t hang out with many other gringos, that’s why. If I don’t know what’s going on in the news either, that’s why. I’d rather fill our lives with the positive energy that is all around us, and spend time with happy Panamanians!
The Panama Adventure 
Hi Kris! I’m Lauren and I’m doing a research project on Panama for one of my classes at college. I have to talk to people who are from/ living in Panama and I was wondering if I could email you some questions? My email is lcarter@mail.smcvt.edu, and if you’re interested I can send you a few emails from there! Thanks!
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OK sure, I will email you
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LOL Kris…I have a feeling that it took Lauren a week to sort through my answers. I think I was ummmm, how do you say it? Very detailed! 🙂
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hehe OK, I’ll try to go easy on her 😀
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There must be something in the air lately. My Ecuadorian friend recently wrote a similar post. I have written a cultural rant post, too. I’m with you Kris! Positive thoughts coming your way!!! And, I don’t get on the Nicaraguan forums either. My life is so much better for it. Sometimes you just have to laugh at the absurdity of it all. 🙂
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Yep, I know what you are talking about. I was surprised because my post was already being formed in my head when I saw hers. It’s universal though. I used to manage a group back in the US and it was a job to keep things under control. Maybe I have to go back now and then to remind myself why I don’t spend time in the forums.
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I couldn’t agree with you more. It amazes me how people move to Central America and the only info they have is what they get off real estate and promotional sites. Talk about setting yourself up for failure. And as for the Ugly American. This is a constant source of embarrassment to me. I get so angry when I see people behaving like bullies.. I have actually apologized to clerks in stores for the behavior of a total stranger. These kinds of angry, rude people were probably just as angry in the US but at least, there, they were easier to avoid.
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Maybe it’s how gullible people can be? I tend to have to see for myself before I believe what anyone else says, especially someone trying to sell something.
How good of you to apologize for others and try to make the situation better. At least because of you they will know all Americans are not ugly.
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Once again Kris, I have entered you in “The Mine”. Thank you for posting! Hugs to you and Joel! 🙂
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The Mine? Oh dear, what have you done now? Should I be worried? LOL
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Spot on.. I too would rather surround myself with positive people – there’s just too many negative and people around only too willing to cut people off at the knees if they don’t agree with them. I think part of the problems with Americans being rude is that at home your customer service in shops is truly outstanding and you are usd to that, so when you go someplace where it isn’t quite up to your usual standards then people get obnoxious. The reality is it’s ‘normal’ for wherever you are. I notice this everytime I go to the U.S. I’m not making excuses for horrible people, but maybe its just American expectations are too high.
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Maybe so. I’ve heard a lot of complaints about service here, but in our experience it is usually far better than in the US so this puzzles me. Maybe if you are rude, you never see the good service? Or, you judge differences as bad things when they really aren’t, but only differences.
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Spot on. I have several friends in the States who say they envy me for living down here and wonder about doing the same thing. I tell them to stay where they are. Not everyone can do this as seen in the numbers that as large a proportion of those who expatriate return home within the first year. Type A personalities need not apply.
And it’s the type A person who is usually the Ugly American. They are no longer in control and if they don’t speak the language of their adopted country they are in REAL trouble because coping becomes nearly impossible.
BTW…if you get a hankering for Tex-Mex food try the new Gringos restaurant on the InterAmericana on the way towards Bugaba. I was there for lunch yesterday and will be going back.
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We had so many people say they wished they could move too, but you know they won’t. I figure lack of courage and willingness to put in the necessary effort weeds out most of them. The ones who come and it doesn’t work out, what do you think it is? I see a lot of frustration with prices, services, availability of things they want, etc and they seem to forget that there are frustrations in any place you live. And, like you say, the language barrier increases the problem enormously and isolates people. But, if it isn’t working out I’d much rather they leave than take our their frustration on everyone around them.
Thanks for the tip on the new restaurant!
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Pingback: Common Sense and Good Manners ~ a continuación | In Da Campo
Sadly, not any different in DR
and, it’s certainly not exclusive to Americans! Great post!
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Yes I’m sure. It is universal. Since we’re close to north America here we just tend to see a lot more from there.
Thanks for stopping by 🙂
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Hi Kris,
You hit the nail right on the head and I couldnt agree with you more. Well said. I have given up friendships in the past of people who I came to realize we’re only happy if they had something or soneone to complain about. Instead I have chosen to always try and see “the good” in people and the world in general. Once a person is able to embrace this line of thinking, he/she will find himself in a much better place.
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I totally agree. Friends who constantly have problems and complain are a drag. Much better to spend your time with happy people!
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Thanks, seems rude people are in a plentiful supply everywhere. We are truing to do our ” homework ” prior to our visit in August 2013, enjoy reading your posts. R&E Smiley
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Excellent! If you go about it realistically, it can be a wonderful place to be! It will be interesting to hear how your visit goes. If you are coming to this area and want to get together, or talk about anything, just let me know 🙂
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I have many complains about my home place of but it feels different when someone outside the family is critical, especially when they ignore so many things that create such idiosyncrasy.
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Oh no, I wasn’t being critical of Panama. I’m sorry if something I said sounded that way because it was not my intention, not at all. I was being critical of people who come here with unrealistic expectations and then are unhappy, and/or come here and behave badly.
What do you mean – things that create such idiosyncrasy? I would be interested in your thoughts especially since you are Panamanian and have made the transition to the US so you understand Panama far better than I, and also understand moving to another country.
I really like Panama. I hope that comes through in my writing. There have been challenges – new language, some different customs, etc. but that’s from me, not Panama and I’m certainly not criticizing Panama because of that. I’m sorry if it sounded like I was.
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I just ran your comment by my husband and he thought you might be talking about the negative people who complain about Panama, that is who you are commenting about. If so my reply, heartfelt as it was, doesn’t reply to what you are saying. Oops :o)
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Good! Who “cares about the frosting if the cake doesn’t work for you?” That’s exactly what people need to know. Moves like yours are huge and most of us dwell on what we think of as the romantic.
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Yes exactly.
Thanks for stopping by my blog 🙂
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Hi Kris,
Yeah, I know, kind of slow responding, but I just came across your webpage dated April 4.
Occasionally I browse some of the posts from each of the Panama expat forums, and walk away wondering why I even looked. It has been tough and fulfilling and beautiful here for us, after 13 years, we are still wondering why we didn’t move here earlier. We would like to share stories and experiences with someone from the same culture as us, but can’t find anyone without that negative attitude that they seemed to have brought here with them.
It is refreshing and nice to touch base with a positive gringa.
Mucho Gusto y gracias!
Bob
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Wow, I reread that post and it sounds about as negative as anything I’ve ever written! I’m glad that you could see through it all that I really am very happy here. How nice that it’s working so well for you too. There are a lot of other happy people here too, thankfully, so I just stick with them and avoid the others.
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Jajajajaja. It didn’t take a Sherlock to see how happy you are here. 🙂
I’d really enjoy finding a group of folks that find it interesting to talk about the everyday challenges here in Panama, such as cultural differences and associated misunderstandings, gardening here in the tropics, discovering new stores and sights, language help, cooking and enjoying Panama’s special foods, volunteer help possibilities, etc.
Nothing ethically or morally destructive, nothing that stirs negative emotions.
Just a good ole conversation kind of place. I don’t know if the blog format is really the solution, but if you have any ideas or recommendations, please let me know.
Thank you,
Bob
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There are groups on line, but any on line group can sink into the problems I complained about in this post especially if someone doesn’t manage then with a strong hand. There are some forums mentioned on my site http://thepanamaadventure.com/links I think for group conversations, a forum would be better than a blog. If you want to set up your own forum yahoo makes it fairly easy, and it’s free.
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