Resolution #6 – Refuse to Play the Perfection Game

Following up on my earlier post about 16 resolutions, or thoughts to live by, inspired by this article at, here is the sixth thought by Ursyka K Le Guin.

There are a whole lot of ways to be perfect, and not one of them is attained through punishment.   […]

I think of when I was in high school in the 1940s: the white girls got their hair crinkled up by chemicals and heat so it would curl, and the black girls got their hair mashed flat by chemicals and heat so it wouldn’t curl. Home perms hadn’t been invented yet, and a lot of kids couldn’t afford these expensive treatments, so they were wretched because they couldn’t follow the rules, the rules of beauty.

Beauty always has rules. It’s a game. I resent the beauty game when I see it controlled by people who grab fortunes from it and don’t care who they hurt. I hate it when I see it making people so self-dissatisfied that they starve and deform and poison themselves. Most of the time I just play the game myself in a very small way, buying a new lipstick, feeling happy about a pretty new silk shirt.   […]

There’s the ideal beauty of youth and health, which never really changes, and is always true. There’s the ideal beauty of movie stars and advertising models, the beauty-game ideal, which changes its rules all the time and from place to place, and is never entirely true. And there’s an ideal beauty that is harder to define or understand, because it occurs not just in the body but where the body and the spirit meet and define each other.

My mother died at eighty-three, of cancer, in pain, her spleen enlarged so that her body was misshapen. Is that the person I see when I think of her? Sometimes. I wish it were not. It is a true image, yet it blurs, it clouds, a truer image. It is one memory among fifty years of memories of my mother. It is the last in time. Beneath it, behind it is a deeper, complex, ever-changing image, made from imagination, hearsay, photographs, memories. I see a little red-haired child in the mountains of Colorado, a sad-faced, delicate college girl, a kind, smiling young mother, a brilliantly intellectual woman, a peerless flirt, a serious artist, a splendid cook—I see her rocking, weeding, writing, laughing — I see the turquoise bracelets on her delicate, freckled arm — I see, for a moment, all that at once, I glimpse what no mirror can reflect, the spirit flashing out across the years, beautiful.

That must be what the great artists see and paint. That must be why the tired, aged faces in Rembrandt’s portraits give us such delight: they show us beauty not skin-deep but life-deep.

I don’t think this one needs any explanation, only reading, thinking, and following.

I notice one thing about getting older. I don’t care nearly as much. Maybe I know I can’t measure up so I stop trying. Maybe there are many other things higher up on the priority list. Maybe I’m more interested in life-deep! Whatever it is, I like it a lot better.


Ursula K. Le Guin (b. October 21, 1929)  From Wikipedia

Ursula Kroeber Le Guin (US /ˈɜːrsələ ˈkrbər ləˈɡwɪn/;[1] born October 21, 1929) is an American author of novels, children’s books, and short stories, mainly in the genres of fantasy and science fiction. She has also written poetry and essays. First published in the 1960s, her work has often depicted futuristic or imaginary alternative worlds in politics, the natural environment, gender, religion, sexuality andethnography.

She influenced such Booker Prize winners and other writers as Salman Rushdie and David Mitchell – and notable science fiction and fantasy writers including Neil Gaiman and Iain Banks.[2] She has won theHugo Award, Nebula Award, Locus Award, and World Fantasy Award, each more than once.[2][3] In 2014, she was awarded the National Book Foundation Medal for Distinguished Contribution to American Letters.[4] Le Guin has resided in Portland, Oregon since 1959.[5]

About Kris Cunningham

We live in David, Chiriqui Provence, Republic of Panama! This blog is about some of our experiences in our new country.
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4 Responses to Resolution #6 – Refuse to Play the Perfection Game

  1. ME BE in Panama says:

    From my view of you Kris, it is the latter. This is one thing that has attracted me to your blog, and thus to you. You have embraced this stage of life with gusto. You dig deep, pushing aside the superficial life frequently seen in U.S. culture. And most recently you’ve opened an extremely interesting contemplation and conversation in this series. I appreciate your ‘life-deep’.


  2. Sunni Morris says:

    You’re right that caring so much about looks, etc isn’t as important as we get older. Taking care of ourselves seems to be a priority, not just looks. I think that’s perfectly okay. Most people begin to realize that sooner or later (unless you’re one of the movie stars, I guess.) Life is much more than skin deep.


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