What Do You Want?

Posted on January 12, 2016 by Kris Cunningham

If you ask someone this question, the answers are usually fairly predictable – I want to be happy. I want good relationships. I want a good job. I want more money. I want all the things (whatever they are in their opinion) that will make life happy.

This article by Mark Manson has been making the rounds lately – You probably know to ask yourself, “What do I want?” Here’s a way better question.   The question is – What do you want to suffer? What do you want to struggle for? His opinion is that if you want a good job, you need to struggle through the work it will take to qualify for and land that job. If you want a good relationship, you have to suffer through the dating, the failed relationships, and the work it takes to build a good relationship. You can want more money, but if you aren’t willing to do what it takes to get more money, do you really want it? It’s what you are willing to struggle for that tells what you really want.

I’m not sure I agree with this. I think if you are on the right path, it shouldn’t feel like a struggle, and it shouldn’t feel like suffering. If it does, maybe it isn’t the path for you.

Take expatiating to another country, like to Panama. This involves a process – researching your future location, making moving arrangements, wrapping up things in your former home, finding your future home, figuring out how to get things done in Panama, learning the rules and laws, the customs, the people, and the language, and building an entirely new life in your new environment.

Of course there are hassles but overall, it’s exciting and fun. You dream about your new home, your new life, and the welcome changes you expect it will bring. Finally, everything gets done and you arrive and reality sets in. How does that feel? Yes it’s hard to learn another language but it’s so cool when you communicate successfully, even if it’s only to buy a pineapple. Getting things done is a process, but each time you navigate through something you feel a bit more empowered and proud of yourself. Overall, the enjoyment and accomplishments outweigh the hassles and frustrations, and you are happy in your new life.

However, there are people who hate all this. They just want to settle in to that life they were promised – good living for less, paradise, eternal springtime, the house on the beach… whatever those publications and salesmen tell you to expect, or whatever others said it would be like. They don’t enjoy all the changes and challenges that come with moving. They don’t want to go to five people and make multiple copies to get something accomplished. They don’t want to deal with a new language and culture and customs. They want their familiar foods and habits, and lifestyle. If this is the case, maybe this isn’t the right path for them? We are all different and what makes me happy may not make you happy at all.

The failure rate of people expatriating to Panama is surprisingly high. Of course there are people who leave for health, family, or other reasons besides satisfaction with their lives in Panama. But, there are many, many people who move here and then find it isn’t want they wanted, and find that it isn’t going to make them happy. What a shame, and at what emotional and financial cost. Were they just not willing to suffer enough, or is the suffering an indication that they would be happier on another path?

We don’t need unhappy people in Panama. It isn’t good for them, for the country, or for the expat community. Of course I can’t evaluate who is a good candidate and who isn’t, but maybe I can toss out an idea now and then that can help people think about this for themselves.

 

Posted in culture, expatriate, Miscellaneous, moving, Panama | Tagged , , , | 18 Comments

Big Iguanas!

Posted on January 10, 2016 by Kris Cunningham

It’s the time of year when the iguanas tend to be out and about. It hasn’t been raining so they are looking for water, and they are also looking for each other because it’s time to lay eggs.

The other day an iguana was stuck in the neighbor’s yard behind the fence. Usually they just go through a chain link fence but this one was too big to fit through so he was having a problem. Thank goodness the neighbor dogs hadn’t spotted him or he would have had to climb the fence in a hurry!

He’s up the fence checking out the situation
Nope, he’s not fitting through this fence
Finally he figured out he has to climb all the way up and over the top. He jumped down on the other side and ran off through the yard.

The iguanas may look odd and clumsy, but they can move surprisingly fast. They can run well, and they are expert climbers. They can get up a tree very quickly and hide so well they are sometimes impossible to spot.

I don’t know if this is the same iguana, but the next day there was one in our yard in the same predicament. He had been visiting the compost pile to see if there was anything good to eat. When he saw us peek around the corner he took off at a run, trying to find a way out of the yard.

First he ran along the wall looking for a possible way through.
Then, he checked out the chain link but was too big to get through.

There is a spot a bit farther up the fence where the chain link is a bit open. He headed in that direction so we figured he’d find it and make his way out. Or, he’d use the vegetation to help climb the fence.

I love seeing these big lizards! They are so interesting looking, and it’s fun to have them outside in their natural state. People eat them and hunting has decreased the population but Panama is making an effort to protect them and take care of them. I’m glad there are enough that we see quite a few of them.

Posted in Panama, wildlife | Tagged | 2 Comments

Toucans in the Neighborhood

Posted on January 10, 2016 by Kris Cunningham

My neighbor across the street has some papaya trees in her yard and the toucans have been visiting in the mornings and late afternooons. She knows I love to see them so the other day she called me when they were visiting.

There is a family of three, parents and a youngster. Since they are known to stay fairly close to home we figure they must have a nest in the area.

Only one will come and eat at a time, and the others will wait hidden in the trees.

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She figured this was the youngster because the bill was smaller than on the others.

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It’s pretty cool to have these beautiful and exotic birds visiting our neighborhood on a regular basis!

Posted in bird watching, Panama, wildlife | Tagged , , | 28 Comments

Being Helpful

Posted on January 7, 2016 by Kris Cunningham

Most people find it natural to be helpful. This is very evident here in Panama where being helpful is an integral part of the culture and behavior.

But, my good friend Deb in Nicaragua recently wrote a post about being helpful which got me thinking a lot. Read her post here, please. It is worth the time. She talks about the Savior Complex, and about taking care of yourself. She says her choice of work and her activities in retirement demonstrate that she has this complex, and she has exercised it to the point where she feels very depleted. I have the complex too. I’m a nurse and I retired so burned out that I still think I can’t do any more care taking. But, when I look at my behavior here I do a lot of little things and random acts of generosity that aren’t medical, but still are forms of care taking.

Deb also had a very painful loss of a friendship, a long term friendship where she offered a lot of help and support in many ways over a long period of time. Through her story, others came forward with their stories about people who were helped and then became demanding, cold, or hurtful. I think this is also happening to me, and what I thought was a close friendship has gone silent and cold. Why do these painful things happen? Does helping your friend complicate the relationship? Does it alter the dynamics and balance of a friendship in ways that make it unsustainable?

It’s a complicated and difficult subject. How do you help appropriately? What we think is helpful may in fact not be helpful at all, and we may overlook other things that would be useful because we don’t know better. How do you know if your help is even welcomed? How do you help without making someone dependent or demanding, or without causing them to lose self respect or the motivation to help themselves? There are no easy answers in the best of situations, and when we are in another country and another culture it gets even more complicated.

Friendship can also be more complicated. Even in our own country of origin and culture, friendships often don’t work out. Complicate this with cultural differences, different behavior expectations and ways of dealing with conflict, a different language, an imbalance of resources, a helper/helpee dynamic, and who knows what other factors and it can be very challenging.

I don’t have any answers, just a lot of questions.

For me, I still don’t feel like I can help in any big way. I don’t have the knowledge, wisdom, energy, or inclination. I am happy to give some of my time in friendship or share a surplus of something (limons, anyone?). I have given small amounts of money and loaned money in amounts I could afford to lose, but I am starting to think even this isn’t a good idea. Maybe it is enough to be a good citizen, to interact with kindness, to observe and learn, and to just be.

When I was a nurse trying to convince a patient to accept much needed help from another, I used to tell them about the Buddhist monks and their begging bowls. Of course the monks needed the food, but their main purpose of begging was to give others the opportunity to give because giving is of much more benefit than receiving.

Often we aren’t good at taking our own advice and I am as guilty as anyone. Maybe it’s time I shift my thinking a bit and do more taking. I think as women, and as people in care taking professions it’s very hard for us to take. We have a double whammy of expectations that we give of ourselves, often neglecting our own needs in the process. Maybe the best thing we can do is take care of ourselves first, make ourselves the best we can be, and then hope we have the wisdom and insight to be a positive influence in our world.

The next good thing we can do is decide when there has been enough deep thinking for one day. Cerveza, anyone? 😀 I’m off to relax a bit and enjoy another beautiful Panama evening.

Posted in culture, Miscellaneous, Panama | 14 Comments

Feliz Año Nuevo

Posted on January 5, 2016 by Kris Cunningham

It’s 2016! Somehow the last year has flown by and another year has begun. New Year’s Eve was celebrated here by the usual festivities with fireworks, parties, music, food, and fun people. It’s been a good year overall with various activities, new and old, some travels, adventures, good friends, and of course the new baby girls in the family.

I don’t make New Years resolutions but I think it’s natural to think about the year ahead, things I would like to do and accomplish, and things I might want to change.

  • My blog had been a major focus in the past. It has grown into a resource for many people and I have come to think it is my job to share my life here. But, I don’t want a job, not this or anything else. Since I live in Panama there will be more stories from here of course. But this has also become my normal life now, and much of it doesn’t seem remarkable enough to talk about. I think it will be more fun if I also post “other stuff”, travels, art, thoughts, I don’t know exactly what but whatever I find interesting and exciting at the moment with less regard for it being useful.
  • I am contacted by many people with questions about Panama, or who want to meet while they are here. I enjoy meeting people and answering questions, but I think I need to feel less obligated. If I don’t know something, it’s OK to say “I don’t know” instead of researching the answer or suggesting various places to look. It’s OK for people to do their own research, and OK for me to not do it.
  • I arrived with a couple cameras and a huge interest in photography. I’m still interested but after starting painting classes, I am starting to feel the limitations of a camera. I have a lot to learn and explore with painting before I find my way, but I am finding the possibilities exciting. I still never leave home without a camera though, and I’ll probably still post photos of bugs 😀
  • I have big plans to go cycling again. I could go to the Seattle area, or even Vancouver and cycle down the west coast, visiting my daughters along the way, and then cycle through Mexico and Central America and back to Panama. People do it all the time so why not me? I just need to get myself back in shape. Coming home tired after less than 20 miles isn’t going to cut it so the next three months are going to be dedicated to getting myself ready. A number of people have told me that I should make it into an event of sorts, get sponsors, etc. because this will be such an inspirational thing. I don’t feel special or inspirational, maybe only a bit nuts, but I am giving this idea some thought. Maybe it could be something along the line of – solo senior ladies on the move, going for their dreams! Or, adventurous old ladies who are still young. (please share your suggestions in the comments)
  • I am going to quit fighting my weight. I’m just so tired of it and frustrated. I spent many months on HCG (google it, don’t ask me) back in the US and lost a significant amount of weight. Some of it has crept back over the years since I’ve been here though. I did a few weeks of Herbalife with no results. Some friends swore that Atkins is the thing, so I dove into that with much dedication and resolve and didn’t lose an ounce. I’m not willing to return to the HCG right now (the only thing that has ever worked for me besides starvation) because I won’t have the stamina for bike training. So, I am going to eat healthy, bike a lot of miles, and just be the fat old gal on a bike, kind of like the fat girl running. (Check out her blog if you want to be inspired by a really cool lady!) The quality of my day will no longer be dictated by the number on my scale, and I won’t feel guilty for everything I put in my mouth (or at least I’m going to try to shift my thinking).
  • I want to simplify my life and decrease the “stuff”. Moving here was a big step in that direction but I still have clothes I never wear, books I never open, and stuff I never use. I think all of us have found we don’t need what we thought we would, but it’s hard to know this until you experience your new life here for a while. Maybe I can spend a couple hours every weekend sorting and discarding. It’s such a feeling of freedom to have less.

I’ll have to look back here a year from now and see where I’m at with these ideas for 2016. With any luck I’ll be exploring new places with less stuff, and I’ll have pedaled myself into a strong and healthy body of whatever size, and had a ton of fun in the process!

And, speaking of talking with people and answering questions, I find myself becoming more lax about keeping up with correspondence and on line reading. If I put something aside “for later” sometimes it gets buried in my mailbox and totally lost. If you write me and I don’t answer in a few days, you probably need to poke me and remind me. I may not be able to answer every question but I think anyone who takes the time to write me deserves at least a polite response. And, I probably won’t remember who you are if we haven’t met in person. Names and words in black and white on my screen just all blur together in my mind. But, if we actually meet then you become “real” and I will probably remember you for a long time.

Posted in Miscellaneous, Panama | 17 Comments

Mighty Machines

Posted on December 29, 2015 by Kris Cunningham

They are building a new bus terminal not far from where I live, and there are plenty of mighty machines on the job. I learned about mighty machines from my grandson who loves big machines and his videos by that name, so I always think of him when I see the heavy equipment. He would have a great time on this construction site!

The site now has a barricade between it and the road but you can still see quite a bit from certain spots along the road.
This is very mighty! How many men could fit in that bucket?
It looks like they have been breaking up the huge rocks
Another huge rock starting to come apart
more machines
I would like to play with these
and more
digging a well??
I got pretty close to this one

Other than looking over the barricade or holding my camera above it, there is only one opening where the trucks go in and out where you can see in. I have stopped there to take photos and I figure if anyone objects, I’ll just explain my grandson’s love of big machines and they will probably let me slide. So far though, no one has raised an eyebrow and the guards have been pleasant and chatty.

While we are on machines and things my grandson loves, I have seen a helicopter down north of the airport. It looks like it is for aerial spraying. Yesterday though, there were two helicopters. The dark one doesn’t have the spraying arms so I’m not sure what they do with it.

It may not be a machine and it may not be mighty, but it’s my mighty machine. I wanted these new yellow panniers but thought it was only an extravagance. Now that I have them though (thank you daughter and son in law for the great gift!) I can say they are a big step up from what I was using. They are much stronger and it’s so much easier to get things in and out of them.  This day they were full of lemons for a friend, and a couple young lemon trees for her garden. It’s so fun to do errands with the bike instead of the car, and I wouldn’t even know this friend if I hadn’t been biking by her house one day when she was out in her garden.

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Posted in Miscellaneous, Panama | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Feliz Navidad

Posted on December 25, 2015 by Kris Cunningham

Today is Christmas, always a fun holiday in Panama. There are signs of Christmas well in advance, particularly in the stores who have decorations and gifts for sale a month or two ahead of time. Later on, closer to Christmas, some of the downtown streets are closed for shoppers and vendors. There is a tradition of eating 12 grapes at midnight, and having fruit available for guests so there was lots of that for sale, along with the traditional holiday bread.

We took a walk one evening down some of the closed downtown streets.
More people enjoy the warm evening and shop
There were many tables and booths selling apples, grapes, and the traditional Christmas bread
One street was closed for an amusement park
With the low light and slow shutter speed, this ride really looks like it’s moving!
I thought this little train was adorable
There was a merry go round and next to it, these bumper cars

As we walked around downtown, we also got to hear a bit of a student orchestra in the park. The director took a pause at one point to talk to the audience about the importance of music and arts in the schools, and to call on everyone to do all they could to support music and art because it does such good things for the kids in many ways.

The tree in the downtown city park
The student orchestra

I love the Christmas lights around town. Some houses have some amazing displays. Here are just a very few examples.

One home nearby had the most incredible thing! There was a whole little city set up in front of the house, and bleachers for people to sit and look at it. There was a recording of the story of Jesus and as the story went on, different parts of the set would light up. I think it covered more than Christmas. We didn’t stay for the whole thing but I did hear one part that talked about Easter and the resurrection. I thought about going back another night to listen to the whole thing and get  better photos but it never happened. Maybe next year.

There were chairs for people to sit, and a sound man and controller on the left.
The set was very beautiful and detailed.
flying angels?

Christmas eve is the big night with festivities, parties, and especially the fireworks building to a climax at midnight. Then, after midnight, it’s time for dinner, phone calls to far away family and friends, and opening of gifts. Depending on a person’s stamina this can be the end of the celebration, or the party can go on until morning. Christmas day is then a quieter day for families to enjoy time at home and rest up from the festivities.

The firework stands are a definitely sign of the holidays for both Christmas and New Years.

Merry Christmas! KABOOM 😀

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Next comes New Years with some of the same, and some new and fun things!

Posted in culture, Panama | Tagged , , , , | 6 Comments

Crazy Big Lemons

Posted on December 23, 2015 by Kris Cunningham

It’s that time of year again. The tree that makes the huge lemons is producing fruit. When I first saw these lemons I thought they were grapefruit, and big ones at that. But, my neighbor explained that they are lemons and not only are they big, they have a peel that is edible. The flavor of these lemons is a lot like the yellow ones we are used to in the US. The size though, I’ve never seen anything quite like it. I haven’t been able to find out what type they are but I’m glad they have a fair number of seeds. I planted some in the past and now I have a nice looking young tree in my yard, and a few more in a pot on my patio.

Unfortunately this year the tree is covered with some sort of vine so you can’t even see it.
You can certainly see the lemons on the lower branches though, and the fruit that has fallen on the ground.
I took a photo of a couple of the lemons next to an egg carton for size comparison.
Another shot of the lemons and the egg carton.

The tree is on a little dirt road just outside our neighborhood, inside someone’s back yard. Half of it is hanging over the wall on the outside though and no one seems to be using any of the fruit. I’m concerned about the vine covering the tree too. I’m not sure if it would be right for me to remove it, to be tending someone else’s tree but it can’t be good for the tree. Maybe I’ll pull off a little every time I go by, or maybe now that it is the rainless dry season it will die off by itself.

One of the benefits of biking around here is finding hidden gems like this lemon tree. I have also found a number of cashew trees that make nice fruit, and the mangoes are starting to flower and promise fruit in a few months. It’s fun picking up fruit along the road, and usually there is enough to share with my friends and neighbors too.

Posted in food, fruit, Panama | Tagged , | 17 Comments

Catching up – Some Family Pictures

Posted on December 23, 2015 by Kris Cunningham

I am back in Panama but I still have a few more photos from my wonderful visit back to the US that I wanted to post.

My first stop was northern California where I spent couple weeks with my older daughter, her new baby girl, her little boy, and husband. Then, I rushed up to Seattle a little earlier than planned because my younger daughter’s baby came a little earlier than planned. I was there for about four weeks, but for the last few days my California daughter flew up for a visit, so all of us were together. What a wonderful and special time! It had been a long time since I was together with both of my daughters, and now with both of them holding new baby girls, well there just aren’t words to describe how that feels. It is so cool that the babies were born only three weeks apart and Amy, who is now an experienced mom, is a great resource for Elizabeth.

Two of the cats, enjoying the Christmas season (and being remarkably good about not bothering the tree)
We decided to go out for a walk, the two moms, two babies, grandma, and Drew who was very tolerant of a house full of nothing but females, even including the cats!
Matching strollers, jackets, baby blankets…..
almost matching babies but not really. They do look quite different from each other. We can figure out who either one of them looks like either!
There is a spot on our walk where we could see downtown Seattle. I didn’t even look at the trees on the left until I sorted through these photos. They look like some sort of tree witches or goblins!
Two babies, one awake and one asleep
Autumn slept through the whole photo shoot
My beautiful daughters and babies
A candid shot, Autumn still sound asleep
All of us together, documented for posterity
Two babies and a cat names Coos

It was hard to leave but it was also nice to get home. Now we are keeping in close touch with Facetime, messenger, Facebook, and Skype. We are so lucky to have the internet and all this technology! It makes it so much easier. I’m already thinking about my next trip back though.

Meanwhile, we will get back to more news and stories from Panama.

Posted in family | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

Celebrating Christmas with Latino and Indigenous Families in Panama

Posted on December 22, 2015 by Kris Cunningham

An interesting article from Habla Ya’s blog about celebrating Christmas in Panama…..

Usually I try to be home for Christmas with my family in the USA since that is the only time I really get to be with them since I relocated to Panama, but duri

Source: Celebrating Christmas with Latino and Indigenous Families in Panama

Posted in Panama | 2 Comments